On dealing with negative people

I don’t really share much about myself because am aware that there’s a bunch of people out there who are “judgemental”, critical and just outright negative.

Uni is the worst.
It’s filled with people who somehow think they have to have an opinion about everything that other people do. Like she wearing a mini skirt because she’s desperate or she a hoe so and so told me so. Damn!! It gets on my nerves.

Here I am living my life unprovoked , minding my own business and suddenly everybody wants to be in my business.

Negative people come in all shapes and sizes.
So far I’ve found 6 types of negative people (trust me there’s more).
1.  The Gossip
If you want to hear gist about Suzy, this is where you go. They will spread the most unreasonable rumors about you and when the story gets to you you’ll even wonder if it was you they were talking about. Beware of these people because after they are done talking about Suzy and your gone best believe they are gonna talk about you next.

2.  The pessimist
All they see is what’s wrong with the world. They have a hard time seeing the positive in the situations around them. They are the Messengers of doom.

3. The victim
They will turn the tide on every situation they are into and make it seem like they are the ones who are wronged (the victim). They don’t take responsibility for their actions and blame everybody else for their problems.

4. The underminer
These ones will pretend to be your friends but will always be critical about you. They will point out all the bad things about. They don’t care about the things you do right. They are there to howl like wolves whenever you make a mistake(so that everyone should see that you have). I had a few people like this in my life P.S I cut them off… that’s why I used the word “had”.

5.  The complainer
Everytime you meet all they tell you about is the problem that they have .Day in day out they are mopping around and talking about how life is so unfair.

6.  The critical
These ones aren’t your friends, you don’t even know them nor talk to them but they find joy in pointing out your flaws. They are super judgemental and feel that they deserve to  always say shit about you (always the bad).

N.B we all complain about things in our lives but where it becomes negative is when that is all you do. It’s when you don’t see the lays of sunshine, shining through the cracks.

How can you deal with negative people? In a way that won’t leave you exhausted and drained?

1. Usually I’ll just ignore them
They are doing these things because they want your attention. They want to get into an argument with you. They feed on drama. When you don’t give them any then they have no one to engage with.

i used to respond to negative things until i noticed people only said negative things because it caught my attention
@toosii2x (Twitter)

2.  Stay away from negative people
If you don’t add value to my life then I don’t have to include you in my life. If All you do is try to pull me down, then why should I keep you near me? When you are surrounded by negative energy it’s very easy for you to get sucked into it and become negative  as well. Keep your life free from all the drama and negativity. People in your life should be reducing your stress and not causing more of it. If they don’t add value to your life, stay away from them.

3.  Spend your time with people that make you happy (create your Happy space)
When you are around people that make you genuinely happy it’s hard to listen to all that negativity. It’s just you and your circle in your Happy place and nothing else matters. It is important that we all have that happy space.

4.  Set boundaries
Be honest, and tell people how you want to be treated. Say to them, look , I don’t like it when you say these things, they make me feel bad. Sometimes people don’t know when they are being negative. Setting boundaries will allow people to know which lines they shouldn’t cross.

5.  Expect it
Instead of being surprised when negative people say harsh things to you, expect it. You know that this is what they do, stop clinging to the possibility of them changing and don’t be surprised when they’re at it again. This is just the way they are. This way it stops being about you but everything about their nature.

6.  Remind yourself of all the good things in your life.
There’s a lot of good in your life and sometimes it is very easy to overlook them and focus on the negative. When people are being mean to you, deflect your thoughts to all the good in your life. There is light in every situation , the trick is to acknowledge it. You have good friends, you have a family that loves you and you have big dreams. This should all mean something to you.

7.  Take up a new hobby
The trick is to get absorbed with doing things that make you happy. This will lead to you having a more fulfilled and drama free life. Spend your time doing positive things, things that keep you preoccupied, so that you don’t get sucked into other people’s negativity.

Get a new hobby. Writing/reading e.t.c

8.  Don’t think about the past
There’s something that we should all accept and that is that perfection doesn’t exist. There will be times in your life that you will make mistakes, that’s part of being human. It’s sad that people these days expect others to be perfect such that when you just make a mistake they will use it against you forever. My past is in the past and am not trying to think about that right now am busy trying to create my desired future. And if all you want to do is bring up my past then I don’t even wanna be around you. Because what good will bringing up my past do you or me?

9.  Don’t argue with a negative person
Sadly I learned this the hard way but either way am grateful for the lessons. When you engage with them, they get all defensive and they will use all they have to make sure they hurt you more. In the end nothing good comes out of arguing with a negative person. But a lot of bad comes out of it.
You create enmity
You waste your energy on people who don’t add value to your life
You get sucked into the negativity and by proxy become negative yourself.

10. Avoid trying to change negative people
Instinct will tell you to go to them and try to fix them , but don’t. When they are ready in their own space and time they will change. When you try to change them, they will turn on you and say you are acting all high and mighty like you are perfect. They are negative , they will try to make you feel bad for approaching them in the first place. It can easily turn into an argument.

Negative people are all around us and learning how to deal with them without draining our own energy is vital. Always remember to limit the time you spend with people that continually drain your energy and add no value to your life. You deserve a life filled with positivity. What you allow into your life is up to you. It is up to you to choose to live a positive and fulfilling life that is uninterupted by other people’s negativity.

“If you are willing to look at another person’s behavior toward you as a reflection of the state of their relationship with themselves, rather than a statement about your value as a person, then you will, over a period of time cease to react at all.”

“Negative people need drama like oxygen, stay positive, it’ll take their breath away.”

“Live life fully aware of the lessons that you get from negative people. They show you the person that you do not want to become. They show you how not to treat others.”
Fearless Soul

That is all that I have for you today, see you next week and stay positive .

Be Fearless!

The dictionary defines this word as;
Oblivious of dangers or peril  or calmly resolute in facing them.

Fear is something that drives a lot of people to act as well as keeping them from doing things they would’ve done if there weren’t afraid. As human beings we have a lot of fears. It is our way of survivor, if we think that something might hurt us we fear it. In medieval times it kept the Stone age people safe (remember the Croods?). They feared the beasts that lived in their times and by staying away from them they survived.

The basic instincts of fear still exist in our minds. When I see a snake my first instinct is to run, get as far away from it as I can. As humans developed their ranges of fear evolved from just physical harm to emotional and even social harm.

Human beings are emotional beings, for we have thoughts and feelings. We feel joy and then we feel sadness. Naturally we want to be happy and I Know this to be true for everyone. If it was possible we would stay clear of anything that brings forth the feeling of sadness in our lives. So we distance ourselves  from things that stimulate sadness in our lives.

Human beings are also social beings meaning that they thrive in groups. They seek to be associated with members of their society. They want to be accepted so they comply to societal code of conduct. Anything that may lead servered  connections with society is scary, being alone is scary.

We have fear because we know there are dangers or perils in taking a particular action.   Now danger is relative, you’d have to analyze the situation in your mind to see if it poses a potential threat or not. That’s why sometimes they say “it’s all in your mind.” Practically the dangerous situation hasn’t presented itself yet but it is because we think that if we do something it may cause it to happen to us. A very practical example would be “If I flunk out of uni my parents will disown me. Another would be if I keep nagging him he’ll break up with me. These things haven’t happened yet but still you fear them.

Being fearless means that you know that there is potential danger but you still act because it is who you are, it’s what makes you happy and it is good for you. To be fearless is to have known fear but still do it anyway. To be fearless is to be steadfast in facing your  fears. To be fearless is to look for solutions to your problems instead  of dwelling on how bad it is for you. To be fearless is to stand out and live your life by your own rules despite enormous opposition.To be fearless is to take the leap and jump and hope that you don’t break a leg and if you do, oh well, it was worth it.

Now I Know you’re asking, can I be fearless?  In the face of enormous pain we doubt our ability  to be calm and resolute in facing them.   This is why I came up with a few tips to help you to be fearless.

The first key to being fearless is to embrace your fears. Know that you are going to be afraid. There are some things that will scare the hell out of you but just make sure that that fear does not paralyze you. Do not let fear keep you from doing whatever it is that you love.

The second key to being fearless is to accept that anything can happen. You could break a leg today, lose a loved one tommorow and have your money stolen the next. Bad things happen to good people and none of it is your fault. Living with the realization that anything could happen will keep you strong in the face of a difficult situation. Remember that no situation is permanent, you can still walk your way out of it.

Being willing to deal with problems when they do present themselves is another key to being fearless. Tell yourself that if this happens I’ll deal with It with the same efficiency that I deal with any other problem. “God does not give you more than you can handle.”  You have so much power within you and it shall present itself in the face of trouble to help you survive whichever trauma you are into.

Realize that your greatest enemy is your mind. Your mind can either be your ally but so can it be your enemy. It is so easy for you to wallow in negativity and only think about the worst possible outcome. You can build worst case scenarios in your head that by the way are probably not going to happen. Your mind will amplify your fears if you let it. Whenever the negativity starts to creep into your thoughts tell it to “quiet down” and that “you are in control”.  You can very well cripple yourself without anyone’s help, it all starts in your head.

Finally, speak fearlessness into existence through positive affirmations. Now it’s not going to instantly come true for you, but the more you say it , the more you believe it, the more you attract it and it manifests in your life.

I am fearless

Say this to yourself.
I am fearless

I have the courage to take my own path

Everytime I challenge my fears I feel strengthened and empowered

I act inspite of fear and the fear fades away

I release all fears and doubts

I do the things I fear and take control of my life

I face all of life’s challenges head on

I accept that fear is just a feeling which will subside as I move forward.

I see my fears for what they are – lifeless thoughts that I no longer give power to.(This is really powerful)

I have what it takes to conquer my fears

In the face of danger, uncertainty, risk  and peril , Be fearless!