For those stuck in the past: let go and move on

You messed up badly and you know it because you think about it all the time and beat yourself up over it. It’s been how long? A month,a year , years but still your mind plays out that moment as if it was yesterday. Sounds familiar?

How many of us are still living in the shadows our past transgressions? How many of us think we are not enough because of the mistakes we’ve made in the past? Most of us have not yet moved on from the things that happened a long time ago. We re-live our past each time we think about something that went wrong or something we did badly. This happens a lot when you are doing routine tasks and You’re not paying attention , you go to autopilot. You’re autopilot is a program that runs when you are not consciously focusing on the things you are doing. So guess what this program Is filled with? guilt, shame, regret, judgement, self criticism and all manner of negativity.

I have subjected myself to judgement because of things I have done in my past that I am not proud of. I have been soo hard on myself. I know how it feels like to live in the shadows of your past. This is how I know that  It isn’t good for you. Thinking about your past mistakes over and over again robs you of the joys of the present. To add on that you tend to identify yourself with your past mistakes. This reaffirms the habits that you have been trying to get rid of. So instead of going forward you are moving backwards.

Brooding over something that occurred in the past is called ruminating. The word was derived from when a cow reggugitates it’s food so it can chew it once again. Makes you feel like you’ve been re chewing you’re past right? Lol. We tend to ruminate more over our past mistakes or failures regardless of how they make us feel. No matter what the minds intention for focusing on our past the fact remains that it is not healthy. Our  minds tend to focus on things that cause  deep reactions in our emotions. So let’s say the guilt that comes after being criticized for making a mistake. Your mind wants to remember this incident so that you’ll not make the same mistakes again. That is why Everytime you are not paying attention to the present your mind wanders to the past. The mind has good intentions but the effect this brings is adverse.This is why I wanted to write a piece on this subject so that we can all learn how to move forward and stop living in the shadows of our past mistakes or failures.

I’ve come up with a list that has helped me over the years and that which I believe will also be of help to you.

Be kind to yourself

To begin with, you can only  let go when you decide to treat yourself with compassion. The world judges us when we make mistakes and that is why it is also easy for us to rush to judging ourselves too. This is why we are so hard on ourselves because of mistakes that we committed a long time ago. The best way to deal with all the judgement for me is to treat yourself with compassion. Think of how you’d want people to treat you when you’ve made a mistake. You wouldn’t want them to remind you of what you’ve done every single day of your life would you? You’d also want them to forgive you so that you can all move on with your lives. Do the same with yourself. Do not let your mind to dwell on the mistakes you’ve made in the past. Forgive yourself and accept that part of your life wholly and move on with your life. Be more forgiving of your flaws and more accepting of your faults.

Secondly, accept the things you cannot change. In this case you cannot time travel to the past to fix your mistakes. Worry, shame, guilt will not change the fact that it happened. Embrace the fact that it happened , you didn’t know what you didn’t know and that’s that. Learn to not dwell on things you can’t change but rather focus on what you can change, “the person you are going to become.” Luckily for you , you have lessons from your past mistakes to guide you through your journey of becoming.

Journaling

Furthermore, I find that Journaling helps me process my thoughts and find clarity on anything that’s been bothering me. So whenever the chatterbox in my head tries to fill me with guilt and shame because of the mistakes I’ve made I take out my journal and write. I find that as I write I process my feelings better. Through my Writing I can remind myself that I am “enough”. Journaling has gotten me through my toughest times yet  and I hope that it can do the same to you . It’s like talking to your best friend someone who knows you better and only wants the best for you, it has never failed me.

In addition to that realize that everything happens for you and not to you. Everything that happens to you , good or bad is all meant for your growth. From mistakes bud lessons that you carry on for the rest of your life. You didn’t know better then, but now you do and that makes you stronger than you were before. Move beyond your past and grow because on the other side of pain is where growth is acquired. You are not a victim to life’s brows but rather a being with the forces of the universe in your favor, for your greater good , for your growth. Perception is everything. Think, “all things are working for my good” and all which you shall pass through will not appear as bad as it seemed in the beginning.

In life we tend to focus on our past at the cost of enjoying the present moment. This is why being fully present in the present is helpful with letting go. It is important to acknowledge that human beings these days have short attention spans. You cannot do something for so long without your mind Wondering off to some place. Therefore making a conscious Choice to be present in the moment is important because it keeps your mind from Wondering to those negative thoughts. You can’t beat yourself up over your past when you’re having fun with friends and family in the present. Whatever small task that you perform try to focus on that and just enjoy it.

Forgive yourself

In addition to that I believe that forgiveness is key to letting go of the past. In this case I would say, forgive yourself.  Forgiveness brings healing. Realize that whatever happened, happened and there is nothing that you can do to Change that. Maybe the reason you are still holding on to this past is because you haven’t forgiven yourself yet. Whatever it is that you did in the state that you were in was the best that you could do at the moment. That’s the best thing you could do given the mental resources that you had whether limited or abundant. Do not blame yourself, look at your past without judging yourself and make a conscious Choice to be a better you than you were then. Work on yourself and the issues that you think you have and yeah, life goes on. You are a work in progress.

Practicing mindfulness is another way to let go of your past. Mindfulness is when one becomes conscious of their train of thoughts. Listen to your thoughts, pay attention to the patterns within them. Whenever you find yourself gravitating towards your past acknowledge it and come back to the present moment. Notice those thoughts that are bringing negativity to your life. Do not let yourself wallow in guilt and shame. Think positive thoughts.

Futhermore doing an activity that will help you focus on the present is also helpful. So plan a day out with your girls or the boys and forget everything and live in the now. Take a walk in the park, or just meditate. Whatever it is that you decide to do make sure that it motivates you to be fully present in the present. Personally I find that exercising helps me to live in the present and to enjoy the pleasure of being strong in mind and body.

Gratitude

Last but not least, practice gratitude. I have recently been introduced to this habit and I find it really refreshing. So when I go to bed In the evening I think about all the things that am grateful for in my life especially the things that I might have otherwise taken for granted. So I might be grateful for the air I breathe, the ground I walk on, the food I eat and the clothes I wear.Gratitude helps us because we don’t take the things that we have for granted. I appreciate the sun for it gives my world life. Gratitude helps you focus on the things that you have and thereby making you feel happier and more content with what you have in the present. When you are grateful you cannot beat yourself up over the past. Be grateful for all your experiences In life because they are what has made the person who you are now and frankly am proud of the person I am today and I owe that to my past.

Finally, ask yourself, is what am doing helping or harming me? Does thinking about your past and judging yourself help you or harm you? I know you know the answer to this and everything becomes clear after this. If it doesn’t help you then let it go!! Do not hold it in anymore or it’ll eat you up. Love yourself and don’t let your past control your life.

I’ll leave you with a quote from a book  I’ve just read called the Raven Boys and it reads “Blue, I Know you’re not an idiot. It’s just, sometimes smart people do dumb things.” Yes, sometimes we do dumb things , we make mistakes but that doesn’t mean  that we have to let those mistakes we made in the past to define who we are now. You are not who you were last year , last month or yesterday. You aren’t even  who you were this morning when you woke up, but guess what? you are who you decide to become from this moment on. You are who you commit to becoming from this moment onwards. So I say let go of the past and give way to your bright future.

Your Bright future awaits you

7 ways on how not to take things personally


What happens when someone insults you, your intelligence or just basically takes you for granted?

Well I don’t know about you but I take things personally. Whether the attack / action is directly or indirectly pointed towards me I take it personally. I realize that most times it’s uncalled for but as much as I want to hold myself and let it go its hard because the fact is that I am a highly sensitive person. But still it’s uncalled for and here’s why;

You put your joy in other people’s hands. So every negative comment that comes your way you get all worked up , angry.

Secondly it’s not about you. It’s about them and their issues in their lives so taking things personally is totally not necessary.

I was criticized for something that I didn’t think was an issue until I saw people talking about it on social media. They painted a picture of me that was terrible and that was contrary to who I am. Did I take things personally? Oh hell yeah I did. At that time I was like nobody attacks my image and gets away with it. Fuming mad with rage I went to a friend who I confided in about what happened. He said don’t worry about it all the things they said have nothing to do with you. He continued to say that some people are just bitter and are just out to get you for every little thing.”Don’t give them the power to control you by responding to them, ignore them,” he said.

While not all of you might have a friend to stop you from going around responding to every jab you receive but am sure you’d love to have some tips to help you to not things personally.
So how do you not take things personally in situations like these?

As mentioned earlier and I’ll say it again you first have to realize that it’s not always about you. You are not the protagonist of another person’s story, they are. The world does not revolve around you.In their world everything revolves around their intentions, needs and beliefs and when someone does anything contrary to that they go in fight mode. They just have their own issues in their lives that are making them act this way . You are in no way responsible for what they think about you but rather what you think about yourself. People are programed differently and are a sum of all their experiences in their lives. Some people think it’s okay to pull people down , it has nothing to do with you it’s just them because that’s what they believe in. When you look at things this way you get freed from trying to please people or trying to defend yourself all the time. I don’t know about you but to me this is revolutionary. 

The next strategy is to look at the intention. Some people just want to bring you down so that they can feel better about themselves. Others just want to get your attention so that you can focus your attention on them. When i know that your intention is to send jabs at me so that I feel the pain I won’t take the bait. Don’t take things personally. No matter what their intentions are the fact still remains do not take it personally. If whatever they were saying was coming from a place of love then ask for clarification but don’t take it personally , don’t beat yourself up over it. Learn from the experience and move on.

The other strategy is in realizing that you have no control over other people’s behavior. Secondly you can’t Change their minds about you . You’re only role is to express yourself in the most effective way possible but what they hear/ see and how they interpret it is not in your control. Don Miguel Ruiz author of the four agreements says that when we take things personally we get offended and feel the need to explain ourselves and create conflicts. Do not try to explain yourself , you cannot Change their behaviors for they have been programed like that from childhood. Sometimes you just don’t need to explain yourself to anybody , live your life knowing that the only person whose actions you can control is you. I am past getting worried about things I can’t control (and that’s the spirit!).

Too busy to care
You know how when you’re busy it is hard for people to grab your attention? The same applies when people throw poison at you, when you are busy you don’t care. I mean the kind of busy where you spend your time doing the things that you love, things that are in line with your hearts desires. I am at a point in my life where am too busy to care about what someone thinks about me, it’s none of my business and am busy anyway and taking things personally is a waste of my time.

Don’t care too much about what people think about you. If you live your life always thinking about what people will say about you, you will never do anything. You will be trapped in a place where there is no happiness. Happiness comes with being who you are no matter what people say about you. This will help you not take things seriously because you won’t take things that people say about you to heart. You know who you are and that’s the end of it nothing else matters

To add on that you need to stop giving people power over you.
When someone throws insults towards you and you respond by getting offended you give them power over your emotions. Nobody should be given that kind of power over you. So do not be tricked into absorbing the poison they throw at you, don’t take it personally it’s never about you. The poison will kill them more if you don’t give them any attention.
 
Finally, you should know your worth. I realize that all those times I took things personally was because deep down I suspected that what they were saying was right. If whatever they are saying is totally wrong it shouldn’t bother you. That is why standing by the image you make for yourself is important. I’ve really taken time to look within and find out who I am. The only way you do this is by spending time with yourself and paying attention to your thoughts and feelings. Know yourself, know your worth and you will be immune to people’s judgements and perceptions of you. Another thing is that realize that you are not perfect and guess what you don’t have to be. What matters is that that you are constantly working on being better than you were before.

For more information on not taking things personally read Don Miguel Ruiz’s book “the four agreements”. Aside from not taking things personally there are other three agreements in it that will change your life.

Almost all the drama and sadness in your life has been brought about by always taking things personally. May this be a turning point for you and may it be the time that you choose happiness and freedom by not taking things personally because for me it is.

Say this out loud and let the words sink in “I promise myself that the next time someone throws insensitive comments towards me I will not take it personally. I realize that whatever will be said has nothing to do with me or my self worth. I choose to be happy, I choose to be free and I choose not to take things personally.”

For making it towards the end of this article you get a bonus tip. When someone says something that makes your blood boil, heart race and your mind thinking about what you are going to say next, lean away from the chaos of your mind. Lean away from the negativity, let it pass through you like a breeze. Only then can you be able to make informed choices. I know what it feels like to make choices in the heat of the moment , it ain’t pretty. You end up saying things you regret in the end and instead of making things better you make them worse. So breathe, calm down, gravitate towards the silence and only then can you operate from a place of peace and love for yourself and others. Only then can you be forgiving of people’s misgivings and only then can you move on with your life. I know it’s not easy y’all because we are used to taking the easy route and taking offense but one thing is for sure it is worth it, for your peace of mind and general well being.

I pray that I will be able to to do this. I pray that you will be able to do it too.

So that’s it for today guys, watch out for more articles from me and keep improving. Strive to be better today than you were yesterday.

Flawsome


Being and feeling beautiful in a society that advocates for perfection is daunting.Our society sets impossible standards of beauty. If only your hair was straighter or if only you wore hair extensions or if only you wore make up. Anything that doesn’t go by these standards is not so beautiful anymore.why do you think companies selling hair relaxers or hair extensions sell a lot?

So you can imagine that having pimples is not part of the beauty standards. You know what, Beyonce said it and she was right , pretty hurts and perfection is a disease. I started having pimples when I was 12-13. 9-10 years later I see the marks they left on my face.

Trust me I’ve had my fair share of acne removing creams but no matter what I do nothing seems to work. To add on that my complexion over emphasises the blackheads on my face. Somehow everybody always seems to be like “if you’d do that they’d go or if you used that you’d see a change”. What worked on you will probably not work on me and I’ve learned that the hard way.  I went from feeling beautiful to being identified as the girl with acne. Trust me I can’t go around hiding myself because am scared of what people will say.

I always thought I was beautiful before the pimples kicked in. That’s what happens we think to ourselves if only I was thinner then I’d be beautiful. Mine was “if only I got rid of the acne on my face I would be beautiful”.

My flaws were eating away my confidence slowly until I didn’t think I was beautiful anymore. I doubted my beauty.

We all have our fair share of of things we consider imperfections, some don’t like their smiles to having small breasts, freckles, body hair, scars, stretch marks and cellulite.

To be real with you, i am learning. I am learning to not let the acne and black heads on my face destroy my self worth and self esteem. I am learning to not let people’s comments about how I look get to me. I am learning to still see myself as beautiful despite being that girl with the acne on her face because I am beautiful. I am learning to embrace my imperfections and am realizing that they make me more beautiful.

I was watching outpatients on fox life and there was a girl who got burned with an iron on the left side of her face when she was young. She went in to get her pigmentation fixed as well as fix her eyebrows so they could be symetrical. I had been taking this subject lightly until I saw that. I realize how much harm a scar like that can do to your self confidence. I am just gonna say that it’s not easy for people who have more permanent scars like those. Am not here to talk about which flaws affect people most but rather to help you embrace yourself wholly no matter the type and magnitude of physical flaws that you have.

So how do you go from thinking you are not beautiful to embracing your flaws?

Change your thoughts
I cannot stress enough the power of the mind  in materializing our thoughts. I believe that accepting yourself comes from the inside. If all you think about is how lacking you are in the beauty department that is all that you will be feeling. You will walk around with no self confidence and your self esteem will be at all records low. Change your thoughts, see your imperfections as a symbol of character. Our scars show the battles we’ve survived. Our imperfections symbolize authenticity , it shows that we have the courage to embrace ourselves and love ourselves for who we are.Beauty starts from the inside. It starts with feeling beautiful and radiates to the outside. Ever noticed how we glow differently when we think we are beautiful? We carry ourselves differently in short we radiate a special kind of beauty. So i implore you to look within you and see that you are beautiful no matter what impefections you have. You are enough.

Avoid self criticism
We all have that inner chatterbox that doesn’t seem to stop making us feel small because of our flaws. We look in the mirror and it says “girl your teeth are too big, you are not pretty and no one can accept you”. Chatterboxes can be really annoying especially when it’s coming from your mind. So how do you tone it down a notch?  This is all up to you because there are so many ways to stop negative thoughts. You can snap yourself out of the negative train of thoughts or you can internalize positive affirmations to replace the negative thoughts. Do not criticize yourself , treat yourself from a place of empathy. You are a beautiful soul , tall, short, thin, fat, black, white, pimples or no pimples no matter how you think you look like. Embrace yourself wholly.

Accept praise from others
I have done this before and am sure some of you may recognize this.
Friend: Looking good gurrl!
Me: oh stop it you!
It just shows how lowly you think of yourself when you do that. They mean it when they say that and the least you can do is say thank you and accept the praise. The praise also help you see the things that others see in you but you don’t because you are focusing on what is wrong with you that you fail to recognize the good in you.

Love yourself regardless
In everything that you choose to do with your body make sure you come from a place of love first. Yes!! love that face filled with freckles, love your body with the love handles , love that gummy smile and that amazingly thin body. When you do that you can make healthy choices for your body and not those that jeopardize your well-being. It is also important to know that it is hard to love yourself when you don’t like what you see in the mirror. That is why it is imperative that we look beyond our flaws and notice the parts of ourselves that we are proud of. It might be your character of other parts of your body.

This leads us to our next strategy which is to focus on the good. This really works ,I Know because I’ve done it before. You might have a crooked smile but you may also have a great body structure. If I were you I’d focus on the things I love about myself. I love my hair, it is kinky , natural in short beautiful. What parts of your body do you love? Focusing on the positives brings about a positive train of thoughts that leave you feeling great.

Recognize unrealistic standards
Everybody is posting perfect pictures of themselves on social media that we tend to think that they are perfect. Magazines showcasing these really thin flawless models. These are the kind of beauty standards that have been set up for us. To be real with you they are “unrealistic”. We all can’t be thin, fair skinned and have doll faces.  Conformity is boring, be unique, standout and live by your own standards of beauty. The key to accepting yourself is to realize that you don’t have to be driven by these impossible standards. In place of that be yourself, love yourself flaws and all.

Take power, take control, Don’t be a victim.
Embrace your flaws and know that you are beautiful  still. There is beauty in all of us. You are flawsome. When you do so people’s comments about how you look will not bother you anymore because you are coming from a place of acceptance and love. This brings you freedom from trying to reach those impossible beauty standards. Reclaim your power , you are in control of how you feel, you can either feel proud of yourself or be a victim of circumstances, choose.

Be more accepting of your flaws. Many times when we feel that something is wrong with us we tend to hide these parts of ourselves. We forget that these parts are what makes us human in other words relatable. Those scars are your battle scars they should be inspiring showing people how far you’ve come to get here. Trust me nobody is perfect and if only we didn’t hide our imperfections the world would be more accepting of people with some. But because we spend most time trying to hide so we can look perfect it becomes less easy to be accepted for who we really are.

Embracing yourself comes with it’s benefits.

Do you know how wonderful it feels like to be loved despite your imperfection? You cannot experience this if you spend most of your time trying to be perfect. To those who do then it is the greatest feeling ever. To be loved despite of the things the world frowns on, on your body.

Ooh and the freedom that comes with it! Embracing yourself comes with a freedom to be who you are. Suddenly you become at peace with yourself because you don’t have to strive for unrealistic standards. You just have to be , you.

Finally , a person who is more accepting of their imperfections is more likely to be accepting of others flaws. What a world it would be if people treated each other with empathy.

I realize that some issues go deeper than others and seeking professional help would really be important. It would help to visit your counselor if you are at school and there are also credible therapists that you can contact online . These people will generally help you navigate your feelings regarding the way you look. Remember that your mental health is really important.

Be your own beautiful, own your own sexy, we weren’t all created to be the same. You are Flawsome.

Fail Gracefully

In life every one of us at some point or the other meets failure.The feeling of failure leaves a bitter taste in our mouths, it leaves you feeling miserable. I remember failing my first test at college, it was unnerving. I was so anxious that I missed even the obvious questions. When I got the results I beat myself over it for sometime like “how could you miss this you dummy” and that’s how I felt, like a dummy.

Now your failure may not be connected with school at all. Your’s might concern a project at work, your business, your relationship, your health and general wellness. You made a mistake and found yourself in a sticky situation. You got cheated on your money.The bottom line; failure wears many faces to different people.

No matter what face your failure wears one thing’s for sure; it sucks to fail. When it happens to us we start seeing ourselves in the lens of that failure. We then begin to tell ourselves that just because we failed that one time there is no hope left, we are done for.

If you are thinking that we are too hard on ourselves then you are right, we are. One mistake does not determine your worth neither does it define your entire life. Think of all the other good things you’ve done, things you accomplished and things that make you proud to be you. They are a lot and it is not fair to beat yourself up over one mistake, one misfortune.

Life is richer when we celebrate our successes rather than focusing on our failures.
Unknown

What if instead you saw failure as an opportunity to grow? You are a sum total of your experiences in life, the good and the bad.  Hard times build your character. When you fail in some way learn from it because behind every failure lies a lesson. Failure to learn will lead you into going through the same circle of defeat. Make mistakes,learn from them and grow!

You can’t let your failures define you. You have to let your failures teach you.
Barack Obama

I want you to begin to shift your perspective right now. Failing a test doesn’t make you a failure. Do not let failure define your image, who you are, rather learn from the lessons that failure so willingly offers. Why did I fail that test? I was anxious. I was not in the right frame of mind. I crammed and crammed and memorised because I was afraid to fail. I never asked for help from friends when I did not understand things from class.

When you begin to dig deeper into why you failed you learn valuable lessons. They are things you didn’t do and things you didn’t do well . The experience helps you to become more knowledgeable so that next time you won’t repeat the same mistakes. So there you have it, instead of letting failure change your Perception of yourself, learn from it and growwww! Failure is a wonderful teacher’s instead of fearing it face it head on and learn every lesson it has to teach.

Thomas Edison  had failed to make a battery so many times that a reporter came up to him and asked “how does it feel to have failed?” “What do you mean?”, Edison replied, “I didn’t fail, I found 1000 ways on how not to make a battery.” This response blows my mind. Failure is not an end in itself. I didn’t fail that test , I found 1 way in which I wasn’t supposed to prepare for an exam. It is the lesson that counts! Tomorrow I’ll try another way and if I fail then well I’ve found another way on how not to approach a certain issue.

Steve Harvey said and I quote “It doesn’t matter how many times you have failed, you only have to succeed once and your life is never the same again.” It got to me and it really got me thinking. The one time you succeed is all that matters, it is all people will see. We look at Jack Ma founder of Alibaba.com, he failed so many times but it only took one success for him to become a multi billion business owner. He failed 2 primary school tests, he was rejected by Harvard 10 times and when McDonald’s first launched in China his application for a job was rejected too but look at him now.

Giving up is the greatest failure.
Jack Ma
In life we will fail so many times but it is important not to lose perspective. It is not about how many times you tried and failed . What matters is that you never gave up.

Charlie Chaplin said and I quote,
“Failure is unimportant. It takes courage to make a fool of yourself.”
It takes courage to chase your dreams, it takes courage to pursue a career and it takes courage to be “who you are”. Forget about failure just take the leap. You might fail but at least you had the courage to try. You had the courage to pursue your purpose and that to me is worth more than never having to have tried at all. I can stand the feeling of failure, it isn’t permanent, I only need to rise and try again but I can never stand the feeling of regret when am old and grey and I look back at my life and my journey and I see that my fear of failure prevented me from pursuing my purpose.

So you failed?
Get over it
Rise up and try one more time and this time you will have all the lessons from your past failures to help you through.

Failure is simply an opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.
Henry Ford

Do not let the fear of failure keep you from pursuing your dreams. Embrace it, it’s part of the process where growth is. It is not failure that stops us but giving up does.

If you made it right to the end I believe I’ve given you the keys to failing with Grace. Firstly ask yourself why. When you get the answers learn from the experience. Secondly, never give up because giving up is the greatest failure. Thirdly change your perspective, you didn’t fail you just found a way on how not to do something. Fourthly you need to accept the fact that failure is inevitable and guess what you only have to succeed where it counts and your life will never be the same. Finally have the courage to pursue your passion despite the outcome.

Am glad you made it up to the end of this article and remember to fail Gracefully in all your endeavors.

I’ll leave you with this Quote from Oprah;
“Think like a queen, a queen is not afraid to Fail. Failure is another stepping stone to greatness.”

10 habits of highly successful people

If you are reading this then you are on a journey towards success. You know that there are things you need to stop doing, things you should continue doing and yet still things you need to start doing in order to be successful. You don’t decide your future, you decide your habits and your habits decide your future. In other words our habits determine whether we will be successful or not.

They say that a journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single step. Our journey to success is a collection of steps that we take everyday. Success is not what you do for a day, it is a habit. Meaning that it is a sum total of the things that you do everyday.

People who succeed at the highest level are not lucky. They’re doing something differently than everyone else. That is why those who want to be successful know the importance of learning from those who have been at their level but came out victorious.

Look at the successful (“the 1%”), they have habits that distinguish them from everyone else that led them to success and are keeping them there. That is why I embarked on a journey to look at some of the habits of some very successful people so that we can all learn a thing or two.

To begin with successful people follow their passion. Another word for passion is love, successful people do what they love to do. This is one of the reasons why they are so good at it and would never give up despite anything. A lot of people end up doing things that they don’t love just for the sake of security. This is why they aren’t happy with the work they do. Successful people stand out because they love what they do.

The next habit of successful people is that they exercise. Doing exercises in the morning makes you feel in control of your day . To add on that it makes you physically fit. Exercise also helps to relieve stress. It doesn’t have to be a strenuous workout , it may just be something like yoga. Microsoft’s Bill Gates does Treadmill work outs to boost up his energy levels.

Successful people spare time for gratitude. Most times we are so fixated on things that we want to have to the extent that we forget the things that we already have. Gratitude changes the way we view the universe. By now everyone has something to be grateful for. The more we are grateful the more the universe puts more blessings In our way. Gratitude is also a way to remain positive. Whenever you are plagued by negative thoughts count your blessings. I find that that helps.
The reason I choose gratitude is because when you are grateful you cannot be angry, when you are grateful you cannot be fearful.
Tony Robbins

Furthermore successful people plan their days and set goals. When they wake up in the morning they set goals that they want to accomplish by the end of the day. This helps one to know when the day was productive depending on whether the goal was achieved or not. Aside from that successful people have a vision of what they want their future to look like. A vision,dream and goal  gives a person a sense of direction. Dreams drive us as human beings to strive for a better future which makes all the difference.

Zig Zigler said and I quote, “Motivation doesn’t last, that’s why you should get it everyday”. That is why another habit of successful people is self motivation. You cannot use yesterday’s motivation to carry you through today. That is why the 1% are always looking for ways to motivate themselves. You can do this by watching motivational videos on YouTube (my personal favorite) and by reading motivational books (my other personal favorite). The bottom line is find things that get your motivational juices flowing, it makes all the difference.

Successful people visualize! They hold mental pictures of things they want to have. Surprisingly this is a sure way of attracting anything you want. If you want a Ferrari for example, close your eyes and see yourself already in possession of that car. Feel the sit beneath you, the feel of the wheel and the speed with which the car moves. With this you shall find ways opening up to you until you’ve gotten what you wanted. The subconscious mind can materialize any thought held long enough. You see our brain cannot distinguish between something that is happening and that which we are intently thinking about. For example when you think about a traumatic incident that happened in the past the brain releases chemicals that produce feelings that are identical to how you felt when that thing happened. Your brain doesn’t know the difference so if you cried then you will also cry now. This is why it is dangerous to spend time thinking about your past and all the hurtful things that happened to you. You end up living in the same vicious cycle of being a victim. To be successful there fore you need to imagine yourself already in possession of that success.

On another note successful people are action oriented. They go out of their comfort zone and get the work done. They just don’t sit down and say “I want a Ferrari” and expect it to appear from thin air. Visualising should not underscore the power of hard work. You want a Ferrari work for it and save enough money to purchase one! This world needs more action oriented people.

Successful people have morning routines. The way you start your day sets the pace and tone for the rest of the day and successful people know this. Oprah wakes up at 7:10 and at 8:00am she brushes her teeth and takes her five dogs for a walk. When she gets back she makes her Expresso and reads a card pulled from her 365 gathered truths box. Meditation follows next after that. Mornings are the most important times of your days and creating a routine around them is rewarding.
Under having a morning routine successful people wake up early. It’s true what they say an early bird catches the worm. Personally I find early mornings to be peaceful. Waking up at 5 am and everybody else is in bed gives me that much needed me-time. On top of that it gives one more time to work on things that matter the most. Another benefit is that it helps you prepare for the day ahead.  
Adele Mc clay the COO of Facebook, wakes up at 4:30 in the morning. This gives her ample time to exercise, meditate and spend time with her family.

Life is 20% what happens to us and 80% how we respond to it. Most times when we fail we look for people to blame and guess what it doesn’t change the fact that we are in trouble.  This leads us to another habit of successful people which is that they take responsibility for their actions. This changes the way we see the world around us. This is because instead of pointing fingers at other people you look in the mirror and try to see what went wrong so that you can avert the same situation in future.

Finally successful people exercise self discipline. Self discipline entails that one  forgos  immediate pleasure for long-term success. Say for example I want to sleep but yet have a project I have to finish . Forgoing immediate pleasure that comes with sleeping for finishing my project is self discipline. I was watching a YouTube video on self discipline featuring Will Smith and he said and I quote, “self discipline is self love”. You should love yourself not to do anything that would jeopardize your successful future. Tell yourself that I love myself too much not to party a night before my exam. Tell yourself that I love myself too much not to waste my Money on things i don’t need instead of investing it. Discipline your mind and you have disciplined your self/actions.

On a final note, this list is inexhaustible and  there are a lot other habits of successful people, you only need look. I hope that you have learned a lot from this article and make sure you comment down below regarding these habits. Share other Habits that weren’t included in here and let’s just get the conversation going.

Remember; adopt winning habits and you’ll be  on the road to success.

The power of desire

One of the reasons why I love quoting Thomas Edison is because he is one of those people whose desire to succeed triumphed over all temporary setbacks. He wanted to achieve his goal so much so that he failed 1000 times but still pushed through.

This brings me to the subject of “desire”. Most times we are tempted to equate desire to “want” or “wish” but that just lessens the power that this word holds. A desire is obsessive , you just have to get this thing no matter what. It is a longing that one wishes to be satisfied. Without Desire you cannot pursue your dreams and yet still win in the end.

As Napoleon Hill says “Desire is the starting point of all achievement,not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything”.

A desire is an unstoppable urge to make your dreams into reality. Take Thomas Edison for example he desired to be an inventor that even after failing over 1000 times he kept pushing until he got what he wanted. This is what separates the successful from those who aren’t , the accomplished and the Unaccomplished, the burning desire to succeed. When you have a desire you do not look back , you do everything to achieve your goal. People with a burning desire will stake just anything for their future success.

There once was a king who took an army to go to war with a certain Island. When he arrived on the Island he ordered their boats to be burned. He gave them no choice but to win the war else they’d perish. This is how a burning desire works. It is a must that you pursue your goals no matter the cost and no matter how long it takes to get there. Your life depends on it, your future depends on it. You need to give yourself no choice but to succeed by burning all your sources of retreat. Burn that boat that is supposed to take you to safety.

A safe place is a very dangerous place to be because you get used to it. It is easy to be lazy ,hell you only have to sit your ass down all day. It is easy not to try anything new, you only have to do the same thing you have been doing all these years that has left you as you were years before.

The Pursuit of success is a very uncomfortable situation. This is because it involves hard work. We are so used to being in our comfort zone that we create resistance towards anything unfamiliar. Here is where we need our burning desire.

Everytime laziness kicks in you will be reminded that you have to keep working or perish like those soldiers. They knew that they had no way out except in Winning the war and guess what they definitely won. Nothing beats anyone with the burning desire to succeed!!!

How bad do you want your dream to come true? Most of us are the 99% of this world who leave our life to the so called fate. We let the world dictate where we end up. No wonder we haven’t done anything extraordinary that the world is talking about.

Napoleon Hill, Oprah Winfrey, Steve Harvey, Thomas Edison (the 1%) all had burning desires that dictated every move that they made and that is why they succeeded. Most of them were not born from rich families, they never had rich uncle’s and aunties to support them. Steve Harvey slept in his car for years, lost his family because he couldn’t support them. Oprah run away from home after being sexually abused. They never had it all but their burning desires left them to work for it until they succeeded. Am talking about DESIRE and not wishful thinking. Anybody can say that they want something but that doesn’t mean they are all going to get it. The secret is the amount of power that backs your wish.

How bad do you want it? Have that mentality where, when you start something you burn old bridges so that you don’t look back when things get hard. Success is for people who desire to be successful. Every journey has hurdles but that should not be the reason that you give up on your dreams.

When you have the burning desire to achieve something the how works itself out.

If you’re doing this because you feel like you have a burning desire to do it, then you’ll find a way to do it, no matter what. If you’re doing this because you’re thinking, hey, this will be really cool, I’ll be famous, i’ll be on YouTube ; you’ll probably quit, because it is not easy to do for the Long haul. Trisha Yearwood

Infact i couldn’t have said it better🙌. It is so hard to push through with something you are not committed to. You’re desire is what will keep you going in the long run when things look hard and despair kicks in. It will say to you “nuh uh, this is what you wanted, this is what you needed so now more than ever you should stick to it!”

When you want something that bad that you imagine yourself having it, you engage yourself in suggestive self talk that impresses upon your subconscious mind, things just start working according to what you want. I have experienced this several times and I only get it now because I’ve only started to understand the power of my mind.

Now this doesn’t mean you get a free pass on hard work, nah uh. You still gotta do the work, perfect your skill so that when the opportunities come your way you’ll use them like a pro(give them the performance of their life!).

You’ve got to want it that bad and guess what? Your burning desire will get you to places where you’ve always wanted to be. You have to keep working towards the achievement of your goals. You’ve got to strengthen your desire such that whatever the hardship you keep on fighting.

Remember that what the mind can conceive you can achieve (you can materialize).

Comment down below if you found this article helpful and yeah, let’s keep the conversation going.

Believe in yourself you can do anything

One of the reasons why we fail to succeed as people is because we do not believe in ourselves. We are constantly telling ourselves that, “oh I can’t do that”, “well it looks too hard for me”.

Of course you will fail with that kind of mentality. Like attracts like. If you think you can do it then you really can.

Success begins with you believing in yourself. Our self concept (what we think about ourselves) becomes the defining factor of what we can or cannot do. If you think you can do it your right, you can and the same goes if you think you can’t do it, your right too.

This is why we should really be careful of our thoughts especially about ourselves. When you tell yourself that you can’t do something your subconscious mind accepts this and then instructs your body language to act accordingly. So because you think you can’t do it you end up not trying at all because your afraid you will fail.

It is this self limiting belief that keeps us from reaching our utmost potential. A lot of the things we believe of ourselves come from suggestions from others. It might be that as a kid you were made to believe that you weren’t smart. I’ve heard a mother say “He loves school but he’s just not intelligent”. If you grow up believing in these things it’s no wonder you think you cannot succeed in doing whatever you set out to do.

Listen, what’s done is done. A lot of people have looked down on you, told you you were worthless and in turn you’ve come to believe them. Without knowing it these thoughts have been determining how far your going to go in life. Your actions have mirrored your self limiting thoughts for so long that you have accepted it to be normal.

Well it’s not normal and you need to do something about it fast. You’ve got to believe in yourself and in what you can do. You are special and endowed with so much capabilities and trust me you can accomplish whatever you set your mind on.

So you must be thinking, how do I break away from these self limiting thoughts? It’s easy, engage in positive self dialogue. See yourself in your minds eye as the person you’ve always wanted to be. For instance picture Oprah Winfrey, she’s smart, she’s successful, she’s beautiful, popular and people love her. Now begin saying this to yourself , “I am smart”, I can accomplish anything I set my mind on”, “I deserve the best”, “I deserve to be successful”. Come up with a Mantra that gives a perfect picture of who you want to become.

It will take time but if you stick to this you will find that you believe in yourself more and more. This will then translate to you accomplishing your goals and living your best life.

Remember that you can because you think you can. Your thoughts shape your reality and it is up to you to choose to believe in yourself . In so doing you will become what you set out to be it all starts with you.

You are special, you deserve better, you have unlimited potential, you are capable of achieving anything, you are confident, you love yourself and you are a good person. Believe this and more about yourself and you shall have a more fulfilling and successful life.

Whenever those limiting thoughts try to creep into your mind say to yourself “I can do this”.You might not believe it at first but when you say it to yourself several times your subconscious mind accepts this fact and before you know it you begin to feel it in your bones “I can do this!”.

Believe in your self! Reach for the moon! You can do it!

When things get hard remember Why you are doing it

There are times when I hit rock bottom, that I can’t keep on working, I’ve run out of inspiration to keep on doing what I do. How do you keep going when you no longer have the inspiration to do so?

There was a time, a few days to my end of semester exams, whereby each night I went to bed exhausted from all that studying and I woke up every morning already feeling overwhelmed by the amount of work I was supposed to do in the course of the day. This is a very common feeling for alot of people who are trying to get any type of project done. This is a point where alot of people give up because things get hard. Doing the work becomes difficult.

Whenever I am faced with such a situation, I ask myself, “Why are you doing this”. Why do you have to spend so much time preparing for an exam? Why do you have to spare time to write your articles? Why are you reading all these self help books? The answer to these questions is what kick starts my drive to get the job done.

I am studying this hard because I know that education will open doors for me, give me opportunities that only when am educated can I enjoy them. I have to write articles because I have to keep my blog running so that alot of people can benefit from what I have to share. On top of that it means I get to write and that means alot to me. I read all those books because I believe in learning and in improving. I believe that each book I read offers insights that put me closer to the person that I want to become.

Once I have laid out to myself why am doing whatever am doing, it becomes easier to move forward. This is because I know that getting the work done is important and that I have everything to gain if I do so.

So when you’re stuck, lacking inspiration, running out of creativity and procrastinating remember why you’re doing whatever it is that your doing. Things get easier from then on.

“When your why is big enough you will find your how.” Les Brown

When your reason for doing what you do is big enough you’ll always find a way through the hurdles, a way to make it work.

Don’t compare yourself with others

“Don’t compare yourself with anyone in this world, if you do so, you are insulting yourself.” Bill Gates

Many times we are tempted to measure the extent of our success against that of others. You look at other people and think “wow he’s good I wish I did that” and “oh if he’s there by now that means I Ain’t doing much”.

Listen to me, stop it! Don’t fall into that trap because that’s just what it is , a trap.

Here’s why you shouldn’t measure your success against that of others:

1. You are taking different paths You know where you want to be in future as well as what you have to do to get there. No matter how similar our dreams might be but our paths shall always differ. Your path might take you years to succeed whilst another’s might take just months. It doesn’t mean that you’ve failed , it just means your time will come later on. We don’t walk the same paths so don’t fall into the trap of belittling yourself or others because your success didn’t come at the same time with others.

2. We have different dreams/ destinations

Our destinations are so very different. When I say I’ve made it it must be that I’ve written books, I am a motivational speaker, an entrepreneur and a graduate. For someone else it might be that they graduate and get a stable job and live a comfortable life.

It is what it is. We aspire for different things. Your success is not tied to anybody else’s. The point being that you are unique, one of a kind, special! So if you sit down and compare yourself with others you are not doing yourself justice.

Measure yourself against yourself not others.

For example you got a fifty in Math and your friend got a 90. Remember how this is your first time ever getting such a grade because previously you’ve been getting bad grades. I say be grateful. In your own light you’ve done well because you have improved. Your friend with the 90 gets Math, he’s been scoring well since I don’t know when and guess what, all he wants to do after finishing school is to be an accountant. By comparing yourself with this one, you are being unfair to yourself.

So yes, other people might do better than me but as long as I know that I am doing better than I did yesterday I am content! I’ll never compare myself with anybody else I am me and where I end up is totally different from where you end up.

If someone is doing great in life , congratulate them , be Happy for them but don’t you dare compare yourself to them. Your strengths are different so are your weaknesses. Remember this, you are enough, stick to your purpose stick to your dreams and your break in life will eventually come.

The problem of trying to be someone else is that when things go well for them you will resent them forgetting that that’s what they are good at and if only you stuck to your dreams you would be great too. There is that one thing that your skill, personality and strengths permit you to be great at. Stick to that and don’t fall in the trap of comparing yourself to others, you’ll only get discouraged which will lead to you derailing from what you are made for.

Do not insult yourself, don’t fall into the trap, Know your worth because when you do you won’t have to compare yourself with anybody else.

Why I decided to venture into the self development field

I believe that everybody needs somebody to tell them that they are capable to do anything they set their minds on.

As a kid I was really slow in school, I was shy and lacked confidence. I kept to myself all the time and if I didn’t understand something in class I’d never ask for the teacher to clarify. I thought that everyone was better than I was.

The thing is I didn’t really believe in myself and it took someone to believe in me first before I could follow suit. My mother, she was the first one to believe that with effort and being tutored after school I could do great. Every day after school she’d make me do my homework and study and during holidays she’d Find a tutor for me.

Sometimes all we need to believe in our potential is for someone to believe in us first. As my mum was there to encourage me, I want to do the same for someone else. I want to be the voice that nudges someone to keep going to keep working and telling them that they can do it.

Growing up I wasn’t made to believe that I was naturally intelligent. Exhibit A, my mom always reminded me that I could only do well with effort. Exhibit B, I had a cousin who my mum said was very intelligent naturally unlike me because my grades only came from my hard work.

Don’t get me wrong I love my mum and I’ve never taken her words the wrong way. What she said always kept me going because I knew that if I didn’t do the work I’d not get what I wanted. I learned to depend on hard work and not on natural intelligence.

I like to think of myself as driven. I am driven by my desire to be successful and to accomplish my dreams. This is why when I saw my other cousin reading a book titled “Think and grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill I knew I had to read it too. By then I had already taken an inkling to reading, only that I hadn’t discovered self help books yet. Little did I know that this would be the beginning of my interest in the self help/development field.

This book taught me that my thoughts are very important and are a force that can either attract abundance or poverty in my life. I just knew that there were a lot of people out there like Napoleon Hill who had devoted their lives to help others attain their full potential and I just wanted more.

Like these books helped me to discover my full potential, I also want to be there for someone who thinks they are worthless and that they cannot accomplish anything. We all need a push, something that will help us to keep going, to keep striving until we’ve gotten whatever we want in life. I want to be the one that gives people that push.

I believe that I am a work in progress and that if there is anything I can learn on how to become better today than I was yesterday I’ll gladly accept it. That is why am always looking for ways to better myself, I learn from people who have been where I am and who succeeded beyond reasonable doubt. I do not have all the knowledge when it comes to self development but am learning everyday and that is all that matters.