What happens when someone insults you, your intelligence or just basically takes you for granted?
Well I don’t know about you but I take things personally. Whether the attack / action is directly or indirectly pointed towards me I take it personally. I realize that most times it’s uncalled for but as much as I want to hold myself and let it go its hard because the fact is that I am a highly sensitive person. But still it’s uncalled for and here’s why;
You put your joy in other people’s hands. So every negative comment that comes your way you get all worked up , angry.
Secondly it’s not about you. It’s about them and their issues in their lives so taking things personally is totally not necessary.
I was criticized for something that I didn’t think was an issue until I saw people talking about it on social media. They painted a picture of me that was terrible and that was contrary to who I am. Did I take things personally? Oh hell yeah I did. At that time I was like nobody attacks my image and gets away with it. Fuming mad with rage I went to a friend who I confided in about what happened. He said don’t worry about it all the things they said have nothing to do with you. He continued to say that some people are just bitter and are just out to get you for every little thing.”Don’t give them the power to control you by responding to them, ignore them,” he said.
While not all of you might have a friend to stop you from going around responding to every jab you receive but am sure you’d love to have some tips to help you to not things personally.
So how do you not take things personally in situations like these?
As mentioned earlier and I’ll say it again you first have to realize that it’s not always about you. You are not the protagonist of another person’s story, they are. The world does not revolve around you.In their world everything revolves around their intentions, needs and beliefs and when someone does anything contrary to that they go in fight mode. They just have their own issues in their lives that are making them act this way . You are in no way responsible for what they think about you but rather what you think about yourself. People are programed differently and are a sum of all their experiences in their lives. Some people think it’s okay to pull people down , it has nothing to do with you it’s just them because that’s what they believe in. When you look at things this way you get freed from trying to please people or trying to defend yourself all the time. I don’t know about you but to me this is revolutionary.
The next strategy is to look at the intention. Some people just want to bring you down so that they can feel better about themselves. Others just want to get your attention so that you can focus your attention on them. When i know that your intention is to send jabs at me so that I feel the pain I won’t take the bait. Don’t take things personally. No matter what their intentions are the fact still remains do not take it personally. If whatever they were saying was coming from a place of love then ask for clarification but don’t take it personally , don’t beat yourself up over it. Learn from the experience and move on.
The other strategy is in realizing that you have no control over other people’s behavior. Secondly you can’t Change their minds about you . You’re only role is to express yourself in the most effective way possible but what they hear/ see and how they interpret it is not in your control. Don Miguel Ruiz author of the four agreements says that when we take things personally we get offended and feel the need to explain ourselves and create conflicts. Do not try to explain yourself , you cannot Change their behaviors for they have been programed like that from childhood. Sometimes you just don’t need to explain yourself to anybody , live your life knowing that the only person whose actions you can control is you. I am past getting worried about things I can’t control (and that’s the spirit!).
Too busy to care
You know how when you’re busy it is hard for people to grab your attention? The same applies when people throw poison at you, when you are busy you don’t care. I mean the kind of busy where you spend your time doing the things that you love, things that are in line with your hearts desires. I am at a point in my life where am too busy to care about what someone thinks about me, it’s none of my business and am busy anyway and taking things personally is a waste of my time.
Don’t care too much about what people think about you. If you live your life always thinking about what people will say about you, you will never do anything. You will be trapped in a place where there is no happiness. Happiness comes with being who you are no matter what people say about you. This will help you not take things seriously because you won’t take things that people say about you to heart. You know who you are and that’s the end of it nothing else matters
To add on that you need to stop giving people power over you.
When someone throws insults towards you and you respond by getting offended you give them power over your emotions. Nobody should be given that kind of power over you. So do not be tricked into absorbing the poison they throw at you, don’t take it personally it’s never about you. The poison will kill them more if you don’t give them any attention.
Finally, you should know your worth. I realize that all those times I took things personally was because deep down I suspected that what they were saying was right. If whatever they are saying is totally wrong it shouldn’t bother you. That is why standing by the image you make for yourself is important. I’ve really taken time to look within and find out who I am. The only way you do this is by spending time with yourself and paying attention to your thoughts and feelings. Know yourself, know your worth and you will be immune to people’s judgements and perceptions of you. Another thing is that realize that you are not perfect and guess what you don’t have to be. What matters is that that you are constantly working on being better than you were before.
For more information on not taking things personally read Don Miguel Ruiz’s book “the four agreements”. Aside from not taking things personally there are other three agreements in it that will change your life.
Almost all the drama and sadness in your life has been brought about by always taking things personally. May this be a turning point for you and may it be the time that you choose happiness and freedom by not taking things personally because for me it is.
Say this out loud and let the words sink in “I promise myself that the next time someone throws insensitive comments towards me I will not take it personally. I realize that whatever will be said has nothing to do with me or my self worth. I choose to be happy, I choose to be free and I choose not to take things personally.”
For making it towards the end of this article you get a bonus tip. When someone says something that makes your blood boil, heart race and your mind thinking about what you are going to say next, lean away from the chaos of your mind. Lean away from the negativity, let it pass through you like a breeze. Only then can you be able to make informed choices. I know what it feels like to make choices in the heat of the moment , it ain’t pretty. You end up saying things you regret in the end and instead of making things better you make them worse. So breathe, calm down, gravitate towards the silence and only then can you operate from a place of peace and love for yourself and others. Only then can you be forgiving of people’s misgivings and only then can you move on with your life. I know it’s not easy y’all because we are used to taking the easy route and taking offense but one thing is for sure it is worth it, for your peace of mind and general well being.
I pray that I will be able to to do this. I pray that you will be able to do it too.
So that’s it for today guys, watch out for more articles from me and keep improving. Strive to be better today than you were yesterday.